Seeking comfort and support

and finding friendliness in the world around me

…We must practice seeing our mind and body as “friend.” Even it’s wandering can be included in our meditation with a friendly interest and curiosity. Right away we can notice how it moves. The mind produces waves. Our breath is a wave, the sensations of our body are a wave. We don’t have to fight the waves. We can simply acknowledge, “surfs up.”

Jack Kornfield

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There are moments in your life when you may feel completely lost and alone, when you wish for reassurance, nurturing and care, but it doesn’t seem to be there. You may even be around others, but don’t feel seen, supported or understood. What else can we do in these moments but seek friendship within ourselves and the world around us.

When I was alone with none of my usual comforts and no close friends or family for support, I felt a desperate need for love, care and understanding. Spending time in my own company, meant that I had to search deep within for some kindness and look around me for any sign of comfort and support, any sign that I wasn’t alone.

Old feelings arose, my fear of abandonment ran wild, causing anxiety to bubble up inside. I experienced feelings of loss which seemed to leave a hole inside, like something was missing. A little part of me left somewhere, with my inner child terrified of being alone with no one to care.

I felt a deep sadness within my heart, not knowing which way to turn or how to feel whole again. I didn’t know how to reassure my inner child and settle the fear and anxiety that was grabbing at my throat, tightening my chest and pressing on my stomach.

This fear of being alone, abandoned and unloved rippled through my body, like waves crashing over the shore. Over and over again, I faced this feeling of being terrified and alone, fear gripping my heart.

This experience may have brought up some deep buried feelings, but it’s exactly in these moments that we need to make friends with ourselves, to find a place of care, love and understanding right there inside. To listen to ourselves and our needs, to know that it’s ok to feel that way and then seek out ways to comfort ourself, to show ourself companionship and kindness.

When I was stuck in feelings of loneliness, I sought comfort and companionship through nature. Each morning as I watched the sunrise and noticed the clouds drift past, I felt them reassure me that all will be well. I listened to the birds and saw them as my friends, as they greeted me each day.

I took walks in nature saying hello to the trees and thank you to the flowers for their beauty. I enjoyed the dance of the butterflies and the wind blowing through the leaves and across the long grass.

I sat on the beach with my feet resting in the water, letting the gentle lap of the waves wash away my worries. Then later I would watch the sunset and wave goodbye to the sun as it gently melted away.

Nature has always had a healing quality for me, so each moment I noticed and appreciated the beauty around me helped me realise that I wasn’t alone.

Nature is a remarkable ally in teaching us the simplicity of gladness. In moments when joy seems far away from us, we can remind ourselves to step outside, go into a garden, a park, even in the midst of a city, turn our eyes to the sky and simply stop, listen and breathe.

Christina Feldman

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One day when I was feeling completely lost, I took a walk once again and found myself sitting on the beach, feeling the need for comfort and support. In the next moment a cat walked along, offering me its companionship, it sat with me, walked with me, purred with me and a nudged my hand to ask me to stroke it. We spent the afternoon together, just sitting, watching the view, letting the world drift past and this warmed my heart and healed the loneliness and fear. I am forever grateful for this little cat and its reassuring presence. I found myself drifting back to the same beach whenever I needed some comfort, sometimes I was alone, other times I was joined by the cat and we spent a little while together.

These are wonderful moments that we can seek out for ourselves, just by noticing what is around us. We can also look clearly at the love, friendship and support that we already have in our lives.

I found myself being very grateful for all the elements of kindness in my life, the messages of support received from home, the phone conversations with friends and family, the gifts I had received and taken with me on my journey, the mug I bought myself, which said “be happy,’’ and the letters of love that I wrote to myself. There were many moments of comfort and support when I stopped to notice.

When you are in need of hearing some reassuring words, writing a letter of love to yourself can be of great comfort. Here is the one I wrote when I was feeling lonely:

Dear one,

I am so proud of you, look how far you have come. Look at the difficulties you have managed to work through and you still have love in your heart. Your wish to feel deeply connected to yourself and others comes from your heart. Allow that wish to arise fully, make those connections, feel complete and full of love in your heart and you will find the deepness that you seek. Those connections are waiting to be found, seen and welcomed. Trust and believe in your deepest self and you will be guided to what you need. Right now you feel like something is missing, breathe into your heart dear one and know that you are already whole. Look at how your heart found flowers, birds and clouds so that you could see the love you hold within. See how you found companionship in a friendly cat, just when you needed it the most. Keep love in your heart and you will find those connections, those truths and the comfort that you seek. Love and kindness will bring you to wholeness, connecting all that you hold within to all that is outside in the world. Everything is as it should be, allow yourself to be as you are, full of love and compassion, being a friend to yourself, so that you understand this journey. Know that you are not alone, you are always guided along your path with love.

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In the book ‘Peace is Every Step, Thich Nhat Hanh writes about finding your smile and shares a poem, written by a friend:

I have lost my smile,

But don’t worry.

The Dandelion has it.

If you have lost your smile and yet are still capable of seeing that a dandelion is keeping it for you, the situation isn’t too bad. You still have enough mindfulness to see that the smile is there. You only need to breathe consciously one or two times and you will recover your smile. The dandelion is one member of your community of friends. It is there, quite faithful, keeping your smile for you.

In fact, everything around you is keeping your smile for you. You don’t need to feel isolated. You only have to open yourself to the support that is all around you, and in you. Like the friend who saw that her smile was being kept by the dandelion, you can breathe in awareness, and your smile will return.

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Reading books for inspiration, writing myself letters of love, setting my intentions to seek the kindness that I wish for and writing notes to myself to encourage the love forwards, are all ways that I connect with my inner kindness and to find the comfort and support that I need.

When you write your intentions you can begin to head towards the things that you need, you can start to move in the direction of kindness. Without these intentions you just sink into the unhelpful habits and thoughts, getting stuck in the emotions. Intentions help you take a step forwards.

These are the intentions I wrote for myself when I was feeling stuck:

My intentions are to keep reconnecting with loving-kindness, to trust my inner knowing, the wisdom I hold within, to know what I need on this journey. I would like to achieve stillness, peace and calm through loving every aspect of myself, body, mind and heart, to embrace it all, letting the light of love and acceptance shine inwards, healing all the hurt and pain, sadness and suffering, so that only love remains.

Every time I feel loneliness, may I feel love

Every time I discover my limits, may I know love

Every time I doubt myself, may I think with love

Every time I am tired, may I rest with love

Every time I experience fear, may I be filled with love

Every time I am restless, may I be settled by love

Every time my emotions are too much, may I be calmed with love

Every time I am overwhelmed, may I be soothed by love

Every time I make a mistake, may I be guided by love

Every time I use harsh words, may I be offered kindness from love

Every time I struggle, may I be carried by love

Every time I feel weak, may I be given the strength of love

Every time I need help, may I be brave enough to ask love

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May you too be guided by love to take care of yourself, to find the friendship within and to seek the comfort and support you need.

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Please note that I have an online group called the Mindful Living Community where we meet online for Cosy Corner Conversations, we support each other and provide encouragement in a community of like-minded friends who can provide the companionship on our journey of life. Maybe I will see you there.

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